Fearfully and Wonderfully Made Are We?

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

This is an interesting Psalm to me.  Verses 13 to 16 are used to encourage women to see themselves as God sees them and not as the world or how they see themselves.  But I find the whole even more interesting.  It is a great reminder of the fact that no matter what we thing we can not keep anything away from God.  He knows the worst of ourselves and still he loves us, pursues us, and longs for deep relationship with us.  Yet, we deceive ourselves to believe that we are crafty enough to keep our deepest sins from everyone...even God.  But this just isn't the truth and this is why we have to be honest with ourselves and those around us.  This is why we must be humble and not judgemental.  But the best part of this Psalm is the last two verses because David gives us a great example of being honest with ourselves that since we can't deceive God we should give into His will of being free from all sin.  We have to ask for all that is rebellious against God that is in us to be laid bare so that nothing will fester in the darkness of deception.

I'm reminded of all the things I struggle with each day, and how I fail to find freedom from this sin, these strongholds.  I am encouraged though because I know that God's will is for me to be free and to be mastered by nothing.  I know he promises me that I do not have to be tomorrow who I was when I woke up this morning.  But I do feel very much like Paul when he wrote:

14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

I've often wondered when I will see freedom in the many areas that I know I struggle with.  The only thing I can be certain of is that I will continue to struggle until I am on the flip side.  The pushes me further towards desiring heaven.  But I remember that the journey is as important as anything in this life.  Just living life gives us greater opportunities to be refined, to grow in God, and find the total freedom that Jesus died to give us.  Perseverance is the ultimate struggle in this life.  It is the hardest thing because life is tough, rough, and intense.  It is easy for us to become weary and distracted with all the ups and downs that can occur on a day-to-day basis.  This is why I struggle so much because I understand that no matter how hard I try I can do nothing apart from God, yet I still forget and try in my own strength.  When will I ever learn?